Kramer Pacer Custom I, Brings a Tear To An Old Pimp's Eye, 1986 Neon Pink

I know it's long, but a challenge was issued and I accepted. In short, this Kramer absolutely kills and is my favorite guitar to recently come out of a small, recently acquired collection. If you're in the mood for a rabbit hole , then here 'tis...

The other day, I was sitting out on the boat, just chillin' when I got to reminiscing about the old days when I was a young pimp. I had all the clothes and all the girls- man, those were the days when we could just about get away with anything and you know I'm talkin' about the late, great '80s. A few days later, I was rummaging through my closet when I came upon the very outfit that won me "Pimp of the Year" award back in '86. Feeling quite nostalgic, I decided to get dressed and take a stroll through the old neighborhood. Little did I know what was about to happen...

I went back to my old haunt, East Point and parked the Caddy. It's still the nicest 1977 El-Dog on the strip, mind you. I got myself together and began my stroll down Cleveland Ave to revisit some fond memories and maybe see a few of the "back in tha days, gang." I was just walking down the sidewalk, checking out the old neighborhood when all of a sudden, this guy jumps out of an alley yelling "Slim Bug" at the top of his lungs and scared the pimp cane out of my hand. I stumbled back (I was wearing my 7" platforms with the goldfish in them- the idea completely stolen from my good friend, Huggy Bear) and fell over the curb, busting my butt. Hat fell off and everything. I looked up to see my old pal Quantaviousness Jackson, aka Silky Slim. Here's how it went down:

Me: "Dammit, Silky. What the hell are you doing? I just fell on my ass and busted one of my heels. Damn fish is floppin' all over the place. Here, help me up."

Silky: "I'm sorry 'bout that, Slim Bug. Dude, when I saw you, I couldn't believe my eyes. What choo doing back on tha block?"

Me: Man, I just came back to check out my peeps to see if anybody was still around. Where's everybody at? I don't see nobody from back in tha day. And what's going on with you? You ain't even dressed."

Silky: "Man, I ain't been in the game for years. Things have changed, my man and I don't mean for the better. All my ho's is gone- let me tell you; All them girls got gentrified and fortified. I couldn't do nothing with them anymore. Raised up a backhand on Chantel and the next thing I knew, I was gettin' a visit from some woman said she was from the Ho's Union HR department. Tried to drag me down to her office in College Park, but you know I wasn't going nowhere. Matter of fact, I tried to turn her out but she wasn't having no part of it.  Been scratchin' and scrapin' ever since. What about you?"

Me: "Man, Same with me. My ho's raised up on me and the next thing I knew, I found myself in the trunk of my El-Dog, taped up like a hog. They went through my crib, took all my cash and jewelry and split. Left me alone in that car for a week- I damn near died from aproximation. Only thing that saved me was my boy Pimp Pup came looking for me. I just gave him what was left of my books and put down the pimpin' game. I been writin' children's books for 'bout five years now. What's yo game now?"

Slim: "Man, I thought you'd never ask. I got this kinda young thang, she's sweet, sexy, curvy and as pink as you can get. She'll take you back to 1986 so fast, yo head will spin off. C'mon, Bug, take a spin one mo time- you know, for old time's sake. I'm tellin' you this girl is part German, so you know she's a freak."

Me: "Oh hell naw. I got a wife and six kids. I damn sho ain't tryin' to get cut over a side girl. Hell, I'm 59 and got bronchitis. Ain't nobody got time for that."

Silky: "My man. I ain't talkin' 'bout no ho- I'm talkin' about this." And with that, Silky pulled this case out of the trunk of his car and opened it up to reveal one of the coolest and well-preserved Pacers I'd seen in years. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure I've ever seen a guitar as neon pink as this one. Since I still like to strum on a guitar every now and then, I was intrigued.

Me: "Damn, Silky- that's one fine pinky right there. If you'll give me the bro price, I think I can use it. If I can't pimp ho's, I'll pimp guitars. At least guitars will pay you on time you dig?"

Silky: "Man, I dig. Let's do this and don't be a stranger. I'm sorry 'bout that heel- you know, you might be a bit old to be stylin' dem plats."

Me: "Man, just give me that guitar and don't worry about my plats. If you hadn't scared the hell out of me, my shit wouldn't be broken. Oh, and gimme a ride back to my whip- you know I still got that Eldorado, don't you?

We both just laughed as we got into Silky's Prius and he took me back to my car. When I got this guitar back to the shop, I had my tech do a head-to-toe setup on it and make sure everything was in tip-top shape. Now being 36 years old, you'll see that there are a few dings and slight surface scratches, but the color is still incredible and it's hands down, the best-playing guitar in the whole place. 

You want to go back to the days when stepping up onstage with a pink guitar was an instant indicator that you were a complete and total badass? Then here's the gun to sling, my friends- if you have any questions, please feel free to call, email or PM and we'll put you straight through to the man himself!